escape

Have you ever felt like you wanted to escape? I mean REALLY escape.

Lately I've been experiencing this feeling. It's like my body and my mind are prepared at any moment to flee. A lot of things happened that "helped" me reach that point of "that's it...no more". This feeling is hard to describe, make me feel like I'm at the starting point of a race and all I wait for, is the gun to go off and for me to run. Run like never before in my life. It's not merely a physical run, it's a WHOLE BODY run: physical, mental and sentimental.

I feel like my mind is in a place and my body tries to keep up. When it doesn't succeed, it pulls my mind back and it's frustrating.

I feel incomplete in many fields of my life. Work is good, but I miss the challenge, the opportunities to learn - it's all a routine and when my students are not receptive, I feel down. The time does not allow me to deal with what I love the most - lab work. It's hard work, you have to pay attention to details and I love every minute of it. The social life is also good, but I don't see my friends as often as I want to, due to our crazy schedules or due to huge distances.

Career-wise I try to improve, look for new challenges, but the truth is I am lazy most of the time. I know I need a strong motivation to get me started and luckily it came, but not as a positive sign - still, it got the job done.

The only field I feel content in is my love life. Though our relationship is young, I feel really comfortable with my girl, and I feel we are connected on many levels. There are several issues we need to work through, but I know together we can make it. 

Still all this does not stop my desire to escape. I need new surroundings, new experiences! After all, how am I supposed to learn about myself if I am stuck in a routine, a monotonous and dull life! Maybe that's why I love traveling so much - besides the scenery and the new cultures, it provides those small escapes, that short chance of freedom, but when I return, I miss it and feel like a bird in a cage, which is not even golden.